Warning: contains vulgar slang and empowerment
I have recently come up with a method of getting back on track when I start to lose focus or indulge in negative self-talk. It is fun and simple. I just start to narrate my life, beginning each sentence with “The badass…” Sometimes, it is helpful to announce chapter titles aloud. Here is how it’s done.
The badass gets ready
Sensing her own physical prowess, the badass puts on a pair of Dickies and, realizing that all of life (but especially fashion) is a game, gleefully selects a teal turtleneck sweater.
The badass regards herself in the mirror and determines that she is definitely rocking those gray hairs and dark circles. The burning warrior eyes justify them. She pulls her hair up into a bun and prepares to take on the world.
The badass recalls an embarrassing moment from last week and laughs it off like a badass.
No time for eggs and toast, the badass prepares a bowl of Weetabix, almond milk, peanut butter, and a banana, the 2019 Breakfast of Champions.
The badass recalls her dream from the night before and pauses to consider the implications (that she is a weirdo).
. . . and so on and so forth, until the third person melts away and The Badass simply is.