For years I have been stuck in line at a drive-thru. This establishment is not dealing with staffing shortages or supply chain issues. No, the problem here predates the pandemic. The problem is me.
I can’t decide what I want. The question lingers in the air: “Small, Medium, or Large?” I used to think that I just needed more time with the menu, which appeared at first to be teeming with information, but I’ve been here long enough to see that it is shockingly incomplete.
Advice on this topic runs the gamut. Choose Large, because #yolo. Choose Medium, because it’s prudent/responsible/respectable (and, let’s be honest, you’ve probably already chosen Medium). Choose Small, because the meek shall inherit the earth. Some would simply recommend choosing something, anything, because drive-thru life ain’t no kinda life, but I’m not convinced that I get to go through this line more than once.
Lately I’ve been managing the situation by trying to recognize that Drive-Thru Life, while perhaps no one’s definition of Best Life, is life nonetheless, and woe to the person who fails to appreciate the full tank of gas, the privilege of being able to adjust the temperature and choose the soundtrack, or the cup holders which enable them to go through such a line in the first place. As I serenely take a deep breath of stale air heavily scented with artificial watermelon, I grow ever more certain that I am either on the path to enlightenment or to a padded cell.
Remarkably, I’m not putting anybody out with my indecision. There are no cars behind me, no one is waiting at home for dinner, and the intercom lady certainly couldn’t care less. Her job is just to ask the question. I ratchet the seat warmer up to super-maximum in an attempt to simulate an urgent situation.
Deep down, I know what I should do. I should rip off my seat belt and run as fast as I can into the Wilderness, rejecting forever the question as it was put to me. But here, in the increasingly uncomfortable comfort of the car, I weigh the options. I wonder if I’m really willing to give up Small, Medium, and Large forever. I consider whether or not I am sturdy enough to shiver through those long Wilderness nights. I try to imagine myself slaying the dragon called “Thou Shalt” upon our inevitable encounter. I close my eyes and struggle to picture a world without fast food.